Do you know the 5 love languages? This is what they are and how to use them (2023)

Do you know the 5 love languages? This is what they are and how to use them (1)

Maria Medem

Have you ever been asked, "What is your love language?"

Most likely you have. Because the concept - first created by counselor and pastorgary chapman, unpacked in aseries of books, and picked up by many others, has spread far and wide. The five love languages ​​refer to the five simple ways we want love to be shown to us.Ythe way we show love to others.

I am arelationship researcher, and while I have not empirically investigated the concept of love languages, other scholars have. Some of the publishedstudiesconfirm the validity of love languages ​​and show that they can increase the satisfaction and longevity of people's relationships.

(Video) The 5 Love Languages Explained

What I find so useful about love languages ​​is that they express a fundamental truth. The concept implies a sensible idea: we do not feel or experience love in the same way. Some of us will only be satisfied when we hear the words "I love you" precious time together, while others will feel more loved when our partner scrubs the toilet.

In this way, love is a bit like a country's currency: a coin or bill has a high value in a given country, less value in neighboring countries, and no value in many other countries.In relationships, it's important to learn the emotional currency of the people we love, and identifying their love language is part of that.

Regardless of your situation, whether you live alone, spend 24/7 with a partner or roommate, live with adult children, or guide younger children through virtual school, The five love languages ​​are an extremely effective set of tools for your relationship toolbox. When we know what another person's love language is, we can choose the gestures that resonate best with our partner, friend, parent, or child. And when we know what actions speak to us and make us feel loved, we can ask other people for exactly what we need.

While there are plenty of quizzes online to tell you what your love language is, it's easy to figure out yours and your loved ones by looking at what makes them shine, the gifts they give you (since many of us are another gift what we you would like) and what your perfect day would be likeYfeel like.

Here's a look at the five languages ​​and how they can be applied and modified, even during a pandemic.

(Video) How to Find Your Love Language? (The ultimate Quiz!) 💝 The Guide to 5 Different Kinds of Love!

Love Language #1: Words of Affirmation

Those of us whose love language is words of affirmation appreciate the verbal connection. They want you to say exactly what you value or admire about them. For example: "I loved it when you made dinner last night"; "Wow, that was really nice of you to set up this neighborhood bonfire"; or simply "I love you".

For the people in your life you don't see in person due to the pandemic, you can record a short video to send to them. My kindergarten goddaughter and I haven't been together in over 7 months, but we make silly videos saying, or even singing, what we miss most about each other.

And for the people you seeall the timeRemember these days that even small gestures matter. This is my main love language and my husband of 29 years knows it. I often wake up and go to the kitchen to find a cute sticky note (which is another love language, an act of service) on the counter next to a glass of ice water.

Love Language #2: Acts of Service

Some of us feel more loved when others help us or do something nice for us. A friend of mine is currently undergoing chemotherapy and radiation, putting her at high risk for COVID-19 and other infections. Knowing that her love language is an act of service, a group of neighborhood friends snuck up on her under the cover of darkness in December and filled the pots outside her house with Christmas flowers and branches. Others have vowed to shovel their driveway all winter long. (It's Minnesota so that's itgrandeAmar.)

At home you could be proactive and do something that makes your person's day-to-day life easier. Why not take on the job everyone avoids, whether it's cleaning the oven, changing the litter box, de-icing the car, or filling and running the dishwasher? For anyone whose love tank is full of interferers, seeing someone intentionally scanning her environment to see what they can do to improve her environment sends them a clear and loving message.

(Video) 5 Ways To Work With Your Partner's Love Language

Love Language #3: Gifts

Those of us whose love language is gift giving are not necessarily materialists. Instead, their tanks fill up when someone presents them with something specific tangible or intangible that helps them feel special. Yes, really, it's the thought that counts.

If you're out shopping for groceries for your family, grab your roommate's favorite kombucha or sparkling water and leave it at the door. Our daughter, whose love language is gifts, is a junior in college, and we know she'll love what's in the box that's about to arrive in the mail: a small package covered in Valentine stickers and her favorite chocolate, coffee gift cards, and a framed photo of our family dogs, Fred and George. It's an act of love that will fill your mailboxYyour emotional bank account.

Love Language #4: Quality time

Having the dedicated and undivided attention of another person is valuable currency for those whose love language is quality time. In a time of COVID-19 and quarantine, it can seem difficult to spend quality time together. But thanks to technology, it's actually one of the easiest to use.

Make a conscious effort to host Zoom coffees with coworkers you've missed, or go for a walk with your in-laws. Schedule a good old-fashioned phone call with your best friend on the calendar each week, or schedule an internal date night with your partner or spouse—no phones or "just turn on the TV for a moment" distractions. Nothing says "I love you" in Quality Time parlance like they're the only thing on your schedule.

Love Language #5: Physical Touch

Expressing the language of physical contact can be as platonic as smacking a friend excitedly when she tells you about an interview for your dream job, or as intimate as kissing your partner at the end of the day.

(Video) The Five Love Languages || Gary Chapman || Full Audiobook

I know that some parents with young children have spent too much time in a confined space, literally. They would do anything to have fewer people touch them for fewer hours a day. At the same time, those who live alone or self-isolate due to exposure or health risks experience the painful opposite: lack of contact.

Although there are no easy solutions for either case, we can be creative. If you know someone who is overwhelmed by little hands reaching out to them, you might offer to take the kids to a park so they can release some of their energy from him. For tactless loved ones, try emailing an outline of your hand and have them place their hand on the picture while imagining your hand in theirs. Even think about a warm hug, something you can do by texting friends and family with the hug or hug emoji and saying you wish you could do it in person.may causeyour brain will produce some of the same endorphins that a real hug would produce.

Love languages ​​are a valuable concept to become fluent in this time of pandemic, and in this time of the world. Long before COVID arrived on the scene, we were already going through aloneliness epidemic. Loneliness is not just about being alone; It is about experiencing a lack of satisfying emotional connections. By taking the time to learn the love languages ​​of others and then applying them, we can strengthen our relationships and our bonds with others.

Watch Carol Brues' TEDxMinneapolisSalon talk here:

(Video) 5 Love Languages Workshop

About the Author

Dr. Carol BrussCarol Bruess (rhymes with "peace") is Professor Emeritus at the University of St. Thomas, Minnesota; Scholar at St. Norbert College, Wisconsin; and always passionate about studying and improving relationships. She's fluent in emoji, loves parentheses (all the cool kids do), and dances merrily through empty nesters (but don't tell her kids; they think she's in tears). She checks out five books of hers and sewing/designing shenanigans of hers at

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How do you explain the 5 love languages? ›

The five love languages describe five ways that people receive and express love in a relationship. These are words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and receiving gifts. Knowing your partner's love language and letting them know yours is a way to help you both feel loved and appreciated.

Do you know the 5 love languages? ›

The five love languages are five different ways of expressing and receiving love: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Not everyone communicates love in the same way, and likewise, people have different ways they prefer to receive love.

How do I know what love language I need? ›

How do I know my love language? To figure out what your love language is, consider the way you express affection to the people you love—whether friends, family, or romantic partners. Do you tend to cuddle with them on the couch? Or do you like to shower them with compliments and verbal affirmation?

How do you answer what's your love language? ›

Here are three key ways to figure out what your love language is.
  • Reflect on what you desire most or what makes you feel most loved. ...
  • Reflect on the ways in which you feel hurt or unloved. ...
  • Reflect on the way you treat your partner.
Sep 6, 2019

What is love language examples? ›

Examples include focused conversation, a romantic dinner, taking a long walk, playing a game or doing a puzzle together. Receiving gifts. Some people feel most loved when they receive gifts, such as flowers, a favorite treat, sports tickets or any other meaningful item. Acts of service.

What are the 5 ways to show love? ›

Five Ways to Express Love
  • Gifts. Some people express and feel love through gift-giving. ...
  • Acts. Another way to express love is to do something kind or helpful for another person. ...
  • Time. Spending quality time together is also an expression of love. ...
  • Touch. Love can be expressed through physical affection. ...
  • Words.
Feb 6, 2020

Why is it important to know the five love languages? ›

One of the biggest benefits of knowing your love language is that it can strengthen your communication skills with your partner. Once you've determined how you like to receive love, use that knowledge to guide a constructive conversation about how your relationship can improve.

Which love language is most common? ›

The love language preferred by the most people is quality time: 38% rank this as their top love language. Women — those under 45 (41%) and those 45 and over (44%) — are especially likely to say quality time is their favorite way to receive love.

What does acts of service mean in love language? ›

Acts of service: This love language centers on doing activities that make life easier or more enjoyable for the other person, such as running errands, picking up the dry cleaning, doing the grocery shopping, or other household chores.

Should I ask what his love language is? ›

It will help you and your partner feel more appreciated.

Understanding your partner's love language will help you discern how they show their love, so that you do feel loved and appreciated, knowing the way in which they give their love is different than yours.

What does it mean to ask someone what is your love language? ›

What is a love language? The term love language refers to the way that a person prefers to express love to—and receive it from—a partner. The term is now often used generally to refer to many different methods of expressing love, but the concept and term was introduced by author and counselor Dr.

What to do when your love language is words of affirmation? ›

5 Ways to Use Words of Affirmation
  1. Communicate frequently. People with the words of affirmation love language value communication, so sending text messages throughout the day to check in is an excellent way to show you care.
  2. Give a compliment. ...
  3. Pen thank you notes. ...
  4. Share heartfelt statements. ...
  5. Write love letters.
Jul 27, 2022

Can you tell me how do you say I love you in different languages? ›

How To Say “I Love You” In Different Languages
  • French — Je t'aime.
  • Spanish — Te quiero.
  • German — Ich liebe dich.
  • Croatian — Volim te.
  • Italian — Ti amo.
  • Portuguese — Eu te amo.
  • Swedish — Jag älskar dig.
  • Romanian — Te iubesc.

What is a man's love language? ›

Men – especially those 45 and over – are much more likely than women to name physical touch as the top way they prefer to receive love. The third-ranked love language is words of affirmation; 19% of Americans choose this as their preferred way to receive love.

What is the easiest way to explain love? ›

Love is a set of emotions and behaviors characterized by intimacy, passion, and commitment. It involves care, closeness, protectiveness, attraction, affection, and trust. Love can vary in intensity and can change over time.

How do you communicate with your love language to your partner? ›

How to Communicate Your Love Language
  1. Receiving Gifts. If you tend to appreciate the effort and thoughtfulness attached to every material thing handed to you, this is your love language. ...
  2. Acts of Service. ...
  3. Quality Time. ...
  4. Words of Affirmation. ...
  5. Physical Touch. ...
  6. More to Love!
Mar 10, 2022

How does your awareness of your love languages impact your relationships with others? ›

According to the book, when both partners share the same dominant love language, the relationship will go more smoothly and be higher quality. That is, it doesn't matter which language you both speak (e.g., time, touch, words etc.), just that you're both on the same page.

What is the easiest love language? ›

All you need to do is speak encouraging, kind, and humble words into a person's life to see the benefits of it. Speak affirmation to those with this Love Language and you will keep their love tanks full.

What is the least popular love language? ›

The two least preferred love languages are acts of service (ranked first by 13% of people) and receiving gifts (7%). Younger men and women were more likely to prefer gifts than older men and women. We also asked people in serious relationships to guess what their partner's preferred love language is.

Can your love language change? ›

It's important to note that love languages are not set in stone—rather, they are malleable, says Dr. Lev. Most people have more than one love language, and they can also change and shift over time.

How can you tell if someone's love language is acts of service? ›

People whose primary love language is Acts of Service feel your adoration by the things you do. Actions that go above and beyond help them feel your love towards them. They can be things like mowing the lawn, doing the dishes, or getting up in the middle of the night to take care of the little one, letting you sleep.

What is acts of service examples? ›

What are acts of service examples?
  • doing the dishes.
  • checking in on them during a stressful day at work.
  • making them a cup of coffee in the morning.
  • taking out the trash.
  • picking them up from the airport.
  • planning a vacation.
  • taking care of them when they've come down with a cold or had dental surgery.
Oct 28, 2021

Does love language mean receiving or giving? ›

According to Chapman's love language theory, a love language is simply a person's preferred way of receiving affection in a relationship. Gifts is one of the five love languages, alongside words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, and acts of service.

What is a good question to ask a guy? ›

Questions to Ask a Guy
  • What's your all-time favorite movie that you've seen a million times?
  • What did you want your job to be when you were a kid?
  • If you could go on vacation anywhere in the world and money wasn't an issue, where would you go?
  • What would you do if you won the lottery?
Feb 6, 2023

Should couples have the same love language? ›

While you and your partner do not need to share the same love language, it does make it easier to express and receive love from each other. However, it is just as easy to express love toward your partner if you understand their love language and enjoy speaking it.

How do you deal with physical touch in love language? ›

How to show love to someone whose love language is physical touch:
  1. Give them kisses often.
  2. Kiss them hello and goodbye.
  3. When you hug, use both arms and your whole body, and linger for an extra moment in the embrace.
  4. Spontaneously give them a little back rub or back scratch.
  5. Always hold hands when you're out and about.
Oct 11, 2022

What should you not do to a word of affirmation? ›

Don't make compliments for the sake of saying or making them. Follow your heart and be sincere. Don't disregard your tone or mindlessly say things. Say words like you mean and really feel them.

How do you show love to someone who likes quality time? ›

The following are some of the ways you can show your quality time partner that you love them.
  1. Make Eye Contact. ...
  2. Use Active Listening Skills. ...
  3. Set Limits on Technology. ...
  4. Focus on Quality, Not Quantity. ...
  5. Make a Plan. ...
  6. Develop a Routine. ...
  7. Be Present and Available. ...
  8. Stay in the Moment.
May 24, 2022

How do you show someone you love them with actions? ›

19 Ways To Show Your S.O. You Love Them Without Saying a Word
  1. Be an Active Listener. ...
  2. Ask Your S.O. How They Are Doing. ...
  3. Don't Scroll and Talk. ...
  4. 4. Make Time for Them. ...
  5. Hang Out with Their Friends. ...
  6. Send Them Random Cute Messages. ...
  7. Leave a Love Note. ...
  8. Show Affection in Public.

How do you explain what love language means? ›

The term love language refers to the way that a person prefers to express love to—and receive it from—a partner. The term is now often used generally to refer to many different methods of expressing love, but the concept and term was introduced by author and counselor Dr.

What is the most attractive love language? ›

The love language preferred by the most people is quality time: 38% rank this as their top love language. Women — those under 45 (41%) and those 45 and over (44%) — are especially likely to say quality time is their favorite way to receive love.

Why is it called love language? ›

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate is a 1992 book by Gary Chapman. It outlines five general ways that romantic partners express and experience love, which Chapman calls "love languages". They are acts of service, gift-giving, physical touch, quality time, and words of affirmation.

Why do love languages matter? ›

Our love languages tell us a lot more than you may think. They provide insights into our internal world, to our past, the way we view things, even our morals, and values. When you know your spouse in these deeper ways, you can have more understanding and empathy toward them.

What is the true love language? ›

Words of Affirmation

This love language, according to experts, stands firm as the number one love language for many people in a romantic relationship. When someone speaks words of affirmation to someone they love, they feel supported and uplifted.

How do you learn the love language of words of affirmation? ›

5 Ways to Use Words of Affirmation
  1. Communicate frequently. People with the words of affirmation love language value communication, so sending text messages throughout the day to check in is an excellent way to show you care.
  2. Give a compliment. ...
  3. Pen thank you notes. ...
  4. Share heartfelt statements. ...
  5. Write love letters.
Jul 27, 2022

Can love languages be learned? ›

The five love languages are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. Each love language exists on a spectrum, and it is possible to learn to “speak” all five love languages.

What are some examples of acts of service? ›

12 Acts of Service Examples
  • Clean the house unprompted.
  • Get their car washed and filled with gas.
  • Help with their computer problems.
  • Look after the kids and give your partner the night off with their friends.
  • Make them a cup of coffee first thing in the morning.
  • Pack them a lunch for the day.
  • Pay the bills.
Jul 15, 2022

What love language do girls like? ›

What is the most common love language? Apparently there is one love language that is extremely common: quality time. In second place for women comes words of affirmation, as well as a tie between words of affirmation and physical touch for men.


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